Did you know that I enlisted in the Army when I was 17?
Well yes, yes I did.
See! There I am...in the middle
I only made it through basic training. I went home on graduation day.
Why you ask?
Well…that is another VERY long story.
Very long story short (well, as short as I can) – I was a squad leader. My battle buddy was being really badly sexually harassed by a drill instructor. She wanted to talk to the Captain about it so she could get transferred, but our platoon guide was too afraid to say anything to ANY of the drill sergeants (stupid chain of command) and so after weeks and weeks of this drill instructor taking us aside, waking us up at night and telling us (showing us) how he would kill us, and with which knife…etc…if we told anyone what was happening….word finally got around. Apparently our platoon guide had told a few other people in his bunks what was going on, asking for advice.
Our company held a big meeting and asked who was the one who had let this all spread…I couldn’t believe our PG wouldn’t stand up and be a man! It was SO awful. My battle buddy was TERRIFIED! 300 people in the auditorium and EVERYONE knew who said what…but no one had the guts to say anything. So I stood up and took the blame. I knew that it would get me to the captain eventually so I could tell him what was REALLY going on…and I knew that I had really done nothing wrong…I had followed every rule in the book…and so I wasn’t too worried..Plus, you are supposed to have a battle buddy anywhere you go, right? Yea, that’s what I thought too…
Well, they pulled me up on stage (ALONE) and like 10 drill sergeants got in my face and started screaming at me…while the drill instructor in question just sat there with this evil grin on his face. I thought it was hilarious. I was actually smirking and rolling my eyes…that didn’t make any of the drill instructors any happier…hehe…but I knew what had really happened, and so did he. I knew he would eventually get caught. So I mentioned (in the midst of all the screaming) that this drill instructor had a pink leopard thong in his ruck-sack that he tried to get my battle buddy to put on while she was in a FOX HOLE trying to qualify! (YES…THIS SERIOUSLY HAPPENED!) So if they wanted proof, they had it.
All the drill sergeants just laughed and told me I was crazy…But a Lieutenant decided to leave during all of this and check the ruck sack and low and behold…there was the pink leopard thong!!! HA!!
I felt sooooooooo justified and I wanted to kick everyones butt, who let me sit up there and get yelled at even though I really had nothing to do with it at all, besides being a squad leader and trying to follow the chain of command.
So, this drill sergeant eventually got suspended and wasn’t allowed to be around any trainees until this case with my battle buddy was solved. She eventually got transferred into a new company and so he got to come back…in the mean time, I had got hurt and was on crutches! OH BOY…
When this DS came back, he was AWWWWWWWWFUL to me! I didn’t care. I had a weird mind-set in basic training and I just didn’t care at all. I knew that I didn’t do anything wrong, but it still sucked, and eventually I was asked if I wanted 30 days convalescent leave (which is a 30 day leave where you get to go home, try and heal, and then have to come back and do basic all over again) or if I wanted to just get out…but that those were my only choices. (There are usually more choices then that…like med-boarding out…but they wouldn’t give me that option because they just wanted me GONE! One of the drill instructors really liked me a lot and even told me… “they just want you gone so that they don’t have a sexual harassment case on their hands..or a misconduct case…they don’t care about woman in the military” ….MY DRILL INSTRUCTOR SAID THIS TO ME!...
Anyways, I talked to my doctor at the hospital and he said that stress fractures like mine would take way more then 30 days to heal, and I was sort of over it all of the stupid drama going on…I was only 17, I had a lot more choices, so I decided to go home. Call me a quitter, but I am not. I just decided it’s not what I wanted for my life, and I am glad I was blessed with the opportunity to just get out that easy.
I got a free ride out of the military with an honorable discharge. FINE BY ME! No benefits but I didn’t care….I was only 18 by then!
Anyways...that story wasn’t as short as I had hoped I could make it…..but anyways…getting to my point
My point of telling you this story is to explain that, I haven’t always had this mind-set about the military that I am about to share with you
Military life…
I have many friends and family in the military. MANY. And I see how controlled their lives are. They have no say of where they live, when or where they come and go. If they are deployed somewhere, they have VERY few reasons they are allowed to come home (including the birth of a child!) so as far as being a military WIFE….I am pretty anti-that.
I don’t want my children to be military brats, and I don’t want to be a single mom while my husband risks his life for all of our country, for some LOSER president who I don’t believe is choosing the best for our country or our soldiers.
Anyways. When I originally joined, I was 17! I just wanted to travel, get in shape, get trained in the job I wanted, learn some independence and then I could get out and move on with my life…get married, have kids and live a “normal” life. Military was fine for me at 17…but not now.
So when John and I met and started talking about marriage…the military was a HUGE issue.
John wanted to eventually join some branch, or else he wanted to join the peace corp.
All wonderful things, and very admirable, but not for me.
Peace corp would be cool, but I happen to know for a fact that I wouldn’t be accepted (it’s not an easy thing to get into despite what you may think) AND I wouldn’t be allowed to take Gunner wherever we would go….not ok with that. I know he’s a dog but he’s MY responsibility, I choose to take that responsibility on, and I would never give him up!
So, this was a concern of Johns. Some of his dreams would have to be forgotten if he married me. I told him, “it will NEVER happen. I will NEVER be ok with my husband joining the military. EVER. If you want a girl who is willing to move around, you found her! But not because the military is telling us to do so”
So…we obviously ended up getting married and he adjusted his plans…
Every once in a while he would bring up the fact that he really had a great desire to join, and I would cry, or get upset or annoyed, because we already had this conversation, right? He married me, fully knowing I would never be ok with it…why was he still bugging me about it?
I wouldn’t even really talk about it with him. I would just say, “NOT GONNA HAPPEN!”
Poor guy…
John would occasionally mention things about “hey if I joined the guard, I could do this or that….” But they were usually just little bits and pieces here and there. I listened, but never said much about it besides “its not gonna happen”
Almost two years of this went by…
For whatever reason (I am sure it was inspired) one day I started thinking about the military. I started thinking, “is it really SO bad?”
In all this thinking…I realized that I live a lot of my life based on fear and worry.
That’s no way to live, is it?
I have pretty bad anxiety and I am even agoraphobic. Do you know the definition of that?
It is defined as a morbid fear of having a panic attack or panic-like symptoms in a situation that is perceived to be difficult (or embarrassing) from which to escape…
Basically the fear or being affraid….
Are you serious? How ridiculous. That’s embarrassing just to admit!
So I prayed and prayed about being able to put my fears aside and just LIVE my life and make inspired life decisions and not decisions based on fear.
After all these prayers, is when I started thinking about the military even more.
I didn’t want John to one day resent me because I held him back from an important dream because I had worries.
It had been WEEKS of me thinking, almost constantly, about this. I had never said anything to John about it.
One day John came to me and said “I really want to talk seriously about the military”
To his surprise, I said, “Ok babe, let’s talk about it, for real”
We talked for hours about it. National Guard...NOT active. I am still anti-active duty :)
We talked about the pros and the cons. How long he would have to be away for this job, how long he would have to be away for that job. How old the baby would be at this and that point…. Where we would move to. How it would affect his schooling….etc.
It was a VERY calm discussion and I think John thought he was dreaming.
In the end…I felt as though I had been crazy to have waited this long to be ok with it!
If it happens, it’s going to give us more time together, and now, as a family.
It will give us more of an income. It will pay for Johns school….all of it. It will give John some peace of mind about health care. He will be able to provide for his family and go to school and not be busting his butt 24/7 and having to work 60+ hours a week AND go to school just because we need health care.
He could just go to school, and attend drill one weekend a month and two weeks every summer and we would be ok. He would probably get a part time job while he was in school, or sell pest control in the summer and make a big chunk then…but he would be SO much more at peace! Which, lets face it, would make me feel a lot more at peace as well.
It’s funny how things change.
I am actually PUSHING for him to join now, but that’s just the type of person I am.
Once I decide I want to do something, I don’t really wait, I just do it.
John is more of a preparer, he researches and talks to a million different people getting lots of opinions and input. It’s a good thing, especially with such a big decision to make…but I am excited and just want him to get all the training and schooling over-with!
Anyways…this is not happening FOR SURE yet…and I will keep you posted on when/if this is happening, of course…
Until next time!
No comments:
Post a Comment