This is a totally weird thing to blog about but
I think its important to keep records of all the events in my life for my children.
Gianna may grow up someday to experience something similar and I may not be around to comfort her, offer advice or just share experiences.
But my blog books will! :)
It's the reason john and I decided to announce our pregnancy so early.
We were excited and knew that no matter what, it would be something I would want to talk about.
I'm a talker
(even though it may not seem like it to some of you!)
So here it goes
Wednesday the 25th I started to bleed a bit
It was bright red and it wasn't a ton, but enough to be worried
I knew RIGHT away that it was going to end in a miscarriage.
John on the other hand, was in some serious denial!
On Thursday we called the doctor.
They scheduled me for an ultrasound on Friday
Friday we went in and they saw the baby but said it looked as if i was only 6 weeks and not 9 like I was supposed to be.
Doctor said i was on the "cusp" of being able to see a heartbeat (he couldn't) so it could be my dates are off or it could be that the baby stopped growing.
He couldn't tell unless he waited a bit and got a comparison.
The doctor said the bleeding could be from MANY things and so he wouldn't be able to tell unless he took another ultrasound the following Friday, if it was a viable pregnancy or not
Well, the bleeding continued to get worse.
I mostly tried to rest but Saturday night I just couldn't take being couped up anymore so I attended a baptism at our church.
It was SUCH a nice getaway from the CONSTANT thinking about "whats going on, I wonder if I'm okay"
I had been telling john for about 3 weeks that I had a bad feeling, so it's weird that the baby had stopped growing three weeks earlier.
Sunday I felt really crappy all day
It ended up being the day that John finally came out of denial and realized what was really happening
Monday we went to the doctor to confirm it.
It was sad but I felt surprisingly ok about it.
What can I do?
God has bigger plans than I could possibly understand.
So...we move on.
I know miscarriages are way more common than most people realize so it's not super upsetting
but the thing I am most upset about, is that we were trying to get pregnant before September so that we can have a baby BEFORE we go to Taiwan instead of waiting until we come back!
Which would be like, two and a half years, AT LEAST.
uhg.
Now we don't have much time to try again.
The pessimist in me tells me its prooobbably not going to happen.
The pessimist in me tells me its prooobbably not going to happen.
its sad.
So sorry to hear, Molly. I hope you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that Molly. I've had one before too and it can be rough. What I found most comforting was knowing that Heavenly Father built that into a womans body for a reason. He knew that our mortal bodies could create bodies for His spirits that had imperfections that are not appropriate for that spirit, so He made a way for us to start over if that happens. Everything will work out, you'll see.
ReplyDeleteI don't think this is a weird thing to blog about at all! You're human, and it actually helps you with the grieving process when you share how you're feeling. It helps you to not hide within yourself and make you feel guilty, which I know a lot of women do. I love you, Molly!! When you come back from Taiwan, you need to move to Yakima, unfortunately. You have no choice but to live close to me :)
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear this :( On another possibly more comforting note my doctor told me that the first few months after a miscarriage you are extra fertile.
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